Monday, February 15, 2010

Epic Fail

Again, I fail at blogging. Ah well... I guess I have no choice but to press on...

I just read over all the things I posted in the past year and a half since I started this blog, and my how times have changed. I won't bore myself with the details (because God knows, I'm the only one who reads this thing...ever 6 months), since I know what happened in that time, but it is strange to look back on life since June 2008 and wonder how I got here. And where the hell I'm going...

In my last post I discussed my new healthy lifestyle that would enable me to shed 10 pounds by October and basically just eat more fruits and veggies. That didn't last very long. Now another friend is getting married in June and I made that same resolution last month. Again, not happening. I think the reason that I'm not putting too much effort into it is that I know I don't eat too much crap to begin with, and I feel pretty confident in myself and my body anyway. So fuck it, I'll try to work out more, and I'm eating more green stuff in general, but as far as setting weight loss goals? That's a bunch of baloney. Not that I eat grosses me out. See? I'm already super healthy, right?

Anyway, I also posted about the bar I had just started working at, and yes, I still work there, and yes, I know many people now, and yes, I love it. Does it stress me out, does it exhaust me, does it drive me insane that I never get enough sleep and I have to deal with crazy people and then I have to go to my day job in the morning on 3 hours of sleep? YES. But the money is totally worth it, of course, and the awesome people I've met basically make the decision for me. I've become good friends with some good folks since last April, I've listened to a lot of great music, and poured a hell of a lot of beer, and I've saved some money that will help me out quite a bit in the future. So I'll stay.

Speaking of the bar, I was just working there last night... Thank God I didn't have to go to my day job today... Although I still woke up at 9 a.m. after going to bed around 5:30, so I guess my biological clock is (as usual) out to get me... But we had a lovely time taking shots of Blackhaus, making fun of a drunk couple as they made out in the corner (it was Valentine's Day), yelling at the regulars to get the hell out of the bar, and then coming home so my drunk boyfriend and I could order greasy diner food at 5 a.m. and play with our hyper and hilarious cat on the carpet for a while. Ahhh, life when you're 24. Such a waste of time and energy, but so worth it...

Since I woke up so goddamn early and needed to just chill, I used this nice quiet day to read about feral children, a longtime passion of mine. I watched a BBC documentary on Genie that oddly enough, I'd never seen, discovered a new confined child named Dani, who is absolutely fascinating, and resolved to finally break down and buy Susan Curtiss' thesis that you can only find for about $100... A horrid price, but worth it. I'll get it after I pay the next rent check. Unfortunately, I can't buy a DVD of "The Apple" because it's an Iranian movie that was never released on DVD in the States, so you can only get the British DVDs, which are a different format than U.S. DVD players. I'll have to search the NYPL instead. Silly continental drift.

So even after all the Blackhaus, I have still retained my intellectual and scientific pursuits that have stayed with me for so long. My freshman year roommate will never let me forget how many a night she would find me sitting up on the computer reading everything there was to read on and most likely thinking, "Who the hell is this psychotic pothead that Fordham University thought would be a good roommate match for me?"

Oddly enough, we're still good friends, and although we don't see each other enough, I have the sneaking suspicion we always will be. As a matter of fact, we're going to see "The Tempest" in a few weeks at BAM, which I couldn't be more excited about. I can't wait to see old Prospero... What a guy. I haven't been to see a play in such a long time it's kind of disturbing. I really ought to. I live in the center of the universe with so many cultural events going on all the time, and my life seems consumed by trivial pursuits.

Another friend of mine from college (yet another fellow English major!) wanted to go to the ballet recently to either see "Cinderella" or "Romeo & Juliet," but unfortunately the discounted tickets were only available the one week I could not get my bar shifts covered since a coworker was out of town. The irony. Ah well, we will have time for such cultural events again.

Back to my day...I'd been getting drowsier, so stopped reading I flipped on the TV and as a guilty pleasure (or horror, I'm not sure which), I watched "Little Miss Perfect" about those psycho beauty pageant moms and their creepily made up daughters. Weird. That is a world I will never understand, but one of the mother-daughter teams inspired me to write a new short story. They were different than the others... She was an older mom who did not want her daughter competing in these glitzy pageants - the girl had done natural pageants before, which I suppose involved less makeup, no fake hair, no "flippers" (creepy false teeth), etc. But this little girl was determined, and she had such amazing stage presence and sparkle you just knew she would be a real performer someday, even though her somewhat dowdy mother was really not into it. They actually seemed like a healthy duo, with the mother holding back instead of pushing...unlike the overdone, overweight, trashy moms who grill their daughters on their routines while yanking their hair and applying false eyelashes, and forcing them into these ridiculous costumes and dances when the child really has no inherent talent, just a cute face. Sad. So yes, the natural duo was interesting... But I eventually had to just put it on mute because it was sucking at my soul. I can't imagine what I'll do when I have a daughter...probably make her take ballet lessons until she rebels, because I just love ballet... but forcing her into pageants? Now that's just sick.

While still reading and writing, I moved onto "Hoarders" on A&E, another ridiculously distrubing show but in a completely opposite way. Every time I think my apartment has gotten a little messy, I will think of this show and realize it's not so bad. And every time my apartment has gotten really messy, I will think of this show and realize I don't ever want to become like that, and I will CLEAN IT UP.

This has got to be the most schizophrenic blog post ever, and the most self-absorbed, but at least I'm writing again. I am going to try to do this as much as possible now... I really, truly am. And I'm going to advertise it to my friends, who actually do seem to follow my Tumblr blog, which is nice, so maybe if they read it then I'll be more encouraged to post.

Of course, I'll have to watch what I write... So in advance of anything I might ever post that could be construed in the wrong way, I'll just say...... Fuck you. I love you.

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