Listless

I am not an organized person. I have a jumble of things in my head that need to get done and sometimes I do them, sometimes I don't, and the tasks just hover there in non-list form waiting desperately to be listified but forever resigned to their drifting, cloudlike existence. O, the agony!

But then she made a list. And so did she. So I thought, "I can do that! I make a list! I will make a list of things I need to accomplish! And then I will accomplish them! Because I made a list!" But I am a procastinator, and so the longer I go without making a list, the longer I go without completing the things on it. Damn.

Anyway, here goes...

1. Write on this blog more. Because I need a creative outlook. And besides, just look at it! I redesigned it and now it's pretty! So I should put words on it! Pretty words!

2. And in order for me to write more and not have my boyfriend tell me to stop getting lost in the blogosphere instead of cleaning and/or doing anything productive... I should clean my apartment very thoroughly. This is very necessary and only sort of got done this weekend... Oops.

3. Part of cleaning my apartment will be to FINALLY organize my clothing and jewelry. This will entail getting rid of a lot of stuff I don't wear and use. And I mean A LOT. This will be a huge endeavor and I'm not excited. But it's time to clean house. This will also entail getting a lot of clothing I've acquired over the years hemmed so that I actually wear them.

4. And in order to wear some of the pants I bought maybe two years ago, I should probably shed some pounds that I picked up because I got ridiculously lazy this summer after going to Ireland and eating nothing but meat and potatoes and then not doing a damn thing about it... Veggies!

5. Speaking of Ireland, I need to upload the something like 1,200 pictures I took while I was there. Too bad my dad has the camera and memory cards and this will not be as easy as I thought and it will also be a huge time suck.

6. And because my summer travels also sucked my savings account pretty dry, I need to get my finances in order. My economic life is in shambles! Sad face.

7. Also because I need to fix up my economic state, I need to finally be a grownup and get a credit card so I can have a credit score. This is now nonexistent. Sad. I am a failure at adulthood.

8. Speaking of getting a credit card, I should buy less stuff! I've actually been very good about this recently. I didn't even buy any shoes this summer! Oh wait, that is a lie, I bought a pair of gold flip flops from Housing Works to wear to a wedding and then realized they are uncomfortable and slippery and that I already had three pairs of gold sandals. Dammit. But they were $10! For charity! From Banana Republic! And in great shape! Still, no more buying crap, only quality things for good prices. Or better yet, just don't buy anything.

9. Speaking of charity, when I was rolling in tax-free, whiskey-induced dough, I started making monthly charitable contributions to a number of organizations, mostly those that help cute kitties and puppies and abused children. I realize now this is stupid and if I'm going to make a donation, I should just pick one charity and actually make a real difference. So I will consolidate these donations into one or two. Like the American Humane Assocation. They encompass EVERYTHING I believe. Down with child abuse! Down with animal abuse! Up with animal therapy! Up with scientific research on the human-animal connection in order to make positive policy change! For puppies! And kids! YES! Also now I'm poor. Sad face again...

10. And since I work for a nonprofit that I really like a lot, I should probably work my fucking ass off to be really awesome and be super duper professional and finally apply to graduate school for a Master's of Public Administration. Shazam!

There. That's my list.

Let's see if anything actually comes of it.

Adulthood

Our futon broke last weekend. Rather, I broke our futon... I was sitting on it as I Facebook stalked my friends from childhood with my mom (no joke), and suddenly it just came crashing down. So we put the mattress on the floor in front of the broken frame, moved the coffee table over, and have proceeded to live for the next week like this is a perfectly normal and acceptable way to hang out in your living room. It's not, of course. Yet I don't really mind. It's nice to just kind of flop down on the ground, read, watch TV and movies, waste time on the Internet, and occasionally sit up to eat off the coffee table. It's like camping in my own home.

I really ought to be more grown up than this by now. I mean, on the outside, I seem like a perfectly responsible adult. I'm nearly 25, I have a boyfriend of 5 years, I graduated on time from a good college, I have had two full time jobs in the 3 years since school, I have held a second part time job for a year and a half, and I actually have a savings account! I have never worried about not being able to pay my rent or feed myself... I can even feed my cat! All of these mean that I am a responsible adult! Right...??

Then I look around my apartment from my little nest on the ground and I see bizarre things. A futon mattress on the floor is the first glaring clue that I am not a real grownup. And why is there an empty lemonade bottle sitting inside the plastic pitcher we use to water our plants? Judging by the multitude of dead and dying plants on our windowsills, perhaps it's because that pitcher doesn't get much use. There is an air conditioning unit sitting on the floor and a fan is sitting on top of that. Nick's boxers are for some reason crumpled on the floor by the piano. On a chair in the corner there is a pile of unread magazines about which I keep saying to myself, "Someday I'll read these...Someday..." Our ironing board is never used for what its name specifies, but rather as another surface where we can pile all our crap. Speaking of crap, my bedroom looks like a bomb went off around my closet and dressers. Yes, I have multiple dressers. Three to be exact. And yet my clean and dirty clothes, many of them folded carefully by the nice ladies at Big Apple Laundry, are strewn across multiple dressers and the floor, as well as on a kitchen chair which has been kidnapped by my room and held for ransom. We aren't just messy or disorganized. We're hopeless. Well, it's mostly just me. I am the guilty party most of the time when it comes to not putting things away or doing stupid things with food and clothing that don't make any sense. Nick's pretty good about being domestic. I'm more than hopeless. I'm a lost cause.

I looked at Facebook today and it seems that everyone is getting married. And I mean EVERYONE. Not my close friends, thank god, but about half of my high school class. Ugh. And they have children. LOTS of them. I can barely even keep houseplants alive, and I worry every day that my cat doesn't get enough attention. I can't even fathom what it would be like to be responsible for another human life. I'm barely responsible for my own life! In the last two nights I went to three different parties. Yesterday I didn't get off the mattress (it's not a couch anymore, it's a mattress) all day. I spent my whole day watching YouTube videos of kittens and puppies, reading about serial killers on Wikipedia, watching "Grandma's Boy," eating bacon sandwiches, and snuggling with the cat. Today, after waking up at noon, we spent most of the day waiting for some legendary pizza at Di Fara. That's what you do when you don't have kids. Serial killers, kittens, bacon, and pizza. All this and more in between drinking Bloody Marys and lots and lots of beer!

Good thing Rachel turned me on to Hyperbole and a Half. This little blogger makes me feel better about myself, because apparently we're just about the same age and she lives in squalor as well. Only she has pet rats, so I'm jealous. I held a ferret the other day and now all I want to do is go adopt some rodents. Anyway, this girl is hilarious, and while she is a famous blogger and I am not, she makes me feel like I'm not a total failure. Does it matter so much that my houseplants die? That my apartment is a mess and frankly, I don't care?!? Since I'm not married and living in suburbia with a bunch of kids, DOES IT MATTER?!?! Hell no. Posts like This is Why I'll Never Be an Adult and Am Adult help me come to the conclusion that the longer I can perpetuate this absence of real responsibility, the better. I have my life together for the most part, so who cares if there is a random teddy bear sitting in the middle of my living room floor covered in cat hair? At least I'm not on crack. At least I have a job. At least I have an education. At least I'm not fat. HAH. I win.

New York City enables the Peter Pan Syndrome to take hold and never let go. Here, it is perfectly acceptable, perfectly normal, to simply never grow up. To live life as if you will always be young and the future is only a dreamy destination to be arrived at someday, but that day is far far away. And the real world is only as real as you allow it to become during the work week, because when the weekend arrives, you're free. Free to drink and sing and slack off and stuff your face full of terrible foods, and wear what you want, or not wear anything at all. Free to not budget or plan ahead or worry about what your grandchildren will think, but just live in the moment and always, always go with the flow... And even during the week, there's always happy hour.

So does it matter that for the duration of writing this post I've simply been procrastinating the cleaning of my apartment, as I have planned to do all day and then promised my boyfriend I would do? Does it?? No. He knows and I know that I'll get to it eventually, when the motivation strikes me. Because right now, I'm young enough and free enough that I can do that. I can say, "I'll do it when I feel like it." And the world will not come crashing down. Everything will be fine. Because I am a responsible adult. Responsible for me, and only me.

Resurrection!

I am a terrible blogger. It's been almost a month since I posted last, and I was asked recently by a friend, "Did your blog die?" No, it didn't die. It was just taking a nap while I... (get ready for a quick recap of the last month of my life):

1. Lounged on the beach and watched the Mermaid Parade with an old friend, my cousin, and her friends, and had a lovely little picnic.

2. Went to some wineries on the North Fork and lounged on the beach some more amidst the foggiest fog I have ever seen.

3. Started my new job and quickly became overwhelmed.

4. Lounged in a pool for a weekend drinking beer out of cans and watching beautiful fireworks from the roof deck of a mansion.

5. Worked some more, acquired more and more responsibilities.

6. Rocked out to some 90s cover bands and once again discovered how much I love my neighborhood.

7. Lounged around the house and did nothing while I was supposed to be cleaning.

8. Worked some more.

9. Got sick with a stupid sore throat and fever, in the SUMMER for god's sake.

10. Had my dad visit for THREE WHOLE DAYS while he was up in Brooklyn for an auction!! Amidst my illness, we did quite a bit of catching up... We ate some Filipino food and I introduced him to goat curry, he came to the bar to listen to jazz -- he was a big hit with all the guys and this resulted in him having a bit too much Jack Daniels, and then we took him and his country-folk employees out to a fancy Brooklyn dinner, where they were introduced to Pork Slap Ale. Awesome times with my dear old dad...

11. Went to hear the New York Philharmonic in Prospect Park. After getting terribly lost and nearly breaking up a few times, the Boyfriend and I eventually settled onto our blanket and drank wine, ate cherries and blueberries, and realized we actually kind of like each other a lot.

12. Lounged around the house and watched a lot of terrible TV.....JUST BECAUSE I CAN since I am a young adult with few responsibilities. HA!

13. Played bocce, drank delicious gin drinks, stuffed my face with meat at Yakitori Taisho, and was introduced to the new beaux of a friend, who I thought was very nice.

14. Woke up this morning....

So here I am. What am I doing? LOUNGING. I just read a lot of Passive Aggressive Notes and did some laughing on the inside. In my defense, I was somewhat productive, too. I just cleaned out my freezer. Why? Because the other day I filled a tall glass of water with about 6 ice cubes, getting ready for a nice cold glass on a hot day when, to my horror, I realized that my ice cubes SMELLED BAD. How the hell do ice cubes smell? Well, when your freezer is littered with the crap my freezer is littered with, it's easy. Here is what I found in my freezer:

1. Broken glass from a beer bottle... Explanation below..

2. Beer sludge all over the bottom and sides, from when I thought it would be a good idea to chill beer in the freezer... This was last summer. Apparently beer doesn't have enough alcohol to keep it from freezing, so it froze and the glass broke and we didn't really clean it up too well.

3. Rotten ginger. Ew.

4. Batteries. Why do we have 4 batteries in a baggie in the freezer? I don't know. We have about 20 of them in a box in my desk, probably melting, but whatevs.

5. A massive sheet of grayish brownish ice covering the whole bottom of the freezer. EW.

6. Smushed peas.

7. Southern Comfort left over from Chelsea's visit... in March.

8. Whisky, but in a vodka bottle -- time in freezer: 2 years.

9. Half a million of these little ice packs from when Nick had knee surgery (2 years ago) and all his medicine came in environmentally unfriendly styrofoam coolers with thousands of ice packs. For some reason we still have most of them.

10. An unopened bag of edamame. Yay!

11. How could I forget... 3 glasses full of BACON GREASE that Nick has been saving for months and months since he had an epiphany that the only respectable fat to cook stuff in was that of a pig's belly. I identified these as the probable source of the ice cube stench, allowed the fat to melt, and flushed it all down the toilet. Vengeance is mine!

I now have all 4 of my nice, clean ice trays filled with fresh water so that the next time I want to have ice water I don't have to hold my nose every time I want to feel refreshed. I feel like such a grownup right now. Since I cleaned my freezer, I don't have to clean my room, right?

Someday I will clean the fridge out, too, and I will tell you what I find. That is another post for another day...